Selfish

You asked what was the matter and I pushed your hand away.

So weak in a moment of recurring memories,

But so weak I wanted to be strong.

Your hand came out of the darkness and I pushed it away

You showed me the sun and I chose to look down

Down into a heart of boredom where dreams

Fall and grow heavy with time

And cloud over when I refuse to see the sun

I smiled to show that I was all right and cried when you couldn't see,

Selfish tears of feeling sorry for myself,

The lonely tears of the one in the crowd

Who cannot be contented by a smile

I fought it like you told me too

And hid it under layers of laughs,

It came back like the bad weather

It came back despite your care

You pointed out the star in the night and I looked at you instead

And thought of all that had been lost and all that I had missed,

You joked and held my hand and did everything

Everything but in the end I still managed to feel unwanted