Shame

My scarf is full of smoke and hazy dreams

My head is full of previous nights and horny schemes

I nod when talked to but eyes are vague

All your smiles twirl and fade

In the darkness I strive to forget

I've given up fighting against the smell of vice

Every week I throw a new dice

My high heels follow you clicking in the street

The suffocating stain of pleasure on the sheet

The darkness I strive to forget

The hair painting the pillow's not mine

Again and again I've drawn a line

I didn't cross it but pushed it farther

Trying to excuse my constant surrender

To the darkness I strive to forget

My skin smells like someone's after shave

Shower, scrub away the crave

The silly mess of the night before

The whispers in the night, the groans for more

In the darkness I strive to forget

I scrub until I bleed but it won't disappear

That suggary gel smell, the salty taste so queer

I try to vomit but it's there to stay

The mirror makes me cringe in the light of day

The darkness I strive to forget

Come back and tell me this is right

Throw the booze away and force me to fight

Make me whole and new again, if only

There was more to it than just your body

In the darkness I strive to forget

I put a lid on it all and walked out the door

I'm not a slut, I'm not a whore

Or anything you said in your sleep

Cutting open wounds, scars so deep

That darkness seeped into them

And turned them to regret

There is no night I remember

And no darkness I manage to forget